The guide and the Apprentice


The guide and the Apprentice

I am a mother about to enter my 40’s with a son who would be entering adolescence soon. My son communicates but is non verbal and I am yet to hear the three magic letter –MOM. He has taught me many lessons and has turned me from a maid, driver, cook, cleaner, lullaby singer to a parent, a mother, a friend and more importantly a guide. The reason I am writing this is to tell parents who are going through similar journey to learn as fast as they can whatever their child wants to teach them and teach them what you would like them to learn the way they can learn.

I wasted time to start my learning journey. I don’t want to cry over spilled milk as the spilled milk taught me how not to spill milk again. His diagnosis left me shattered as I did not know what that actually meant, I only knew that there was something wrong. And as any educated parent would do, I started with google, then meeting doctors and therapists. One thing led to another and I forgot that at the end of the day he is MY Child, My flesh, My blood- I am the best person to understand him, I can’t let anyone take control of his life or learning or label him with words.

He was hearing the word ‘autism’ more than his name. His diagnosis was discussed more than his talents or his purity and his parents were everything but his parents. What made me realise this was when I would wait for the doctors, therapists to tell me why my son behaved the way he did, and what should I do if that happens again. I expected them to tell the needs of my child whom they were meeting few times in a month and me who was with him 24/7 was not capable in understanding him just because I had left the onus on the doctors and therapists.  The day I realised this and took things in my hand is the day my child became my son and I became his mother.

I started looking at the things he is good at and how I can improve it more, the things he is not that good at so that I could provide scaffolds for him. When I started treating him as my son and not just as an autistic, he started behaving like a son.  My lesson- the vibration you give attracts similar vibrations. If you feel empowered as a mother, your child will feels empowered as a child.



Now how to feel empowered as being a parent of a special child is not easy.  Inspite of your being a perfect guide, your child does not know how to become an apprentice.  if the parent breaks down the challenge into small pieces and then try to teach the child slowly with scaffolds and challenging him just enough so that he doesn’t get overwhelmed, the child will start taking the parent as a guide. And ones that guide apprentice relationship is built, every  knowledge, every talent of the guide can be transferred to the apprentice SLOWLY. My lesson learnt- Slow is the new fast.



Parents send their children for session hoping it would help the child, but I feel that the child only learns more about his/her diagnosis. Every game, every enjoyment becomes a job for them and no one likes work. The child learns the play just so that the game gets over or learns not to play at all (trigger) so that the game is not given to him. Its not that the child doesn’t need to learn the game, it’s the way we try to teach the game is the problem. We has parent need to first build a guide apprentice relationship and then the child will blossom.

My favourite line- According to me there are 3 stages in parenting a special child- understand- accept- celebrate.

Every child is a blessing, every child should be celebrated despite any label so let’s celebrate




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